Hi. I haven't updated since 08. Don't you find that so weird? Anyways, Ever since November I started working at club monaco. Met a boy and when i expect nothing but physical affection in the beginning, when i saw his vulnerbility, I end up with a heap of messy feelings. We started fast, and ended faster. Obviously work and romance do not mix, and i was unfortunately let go. For two months, i dwelled in my bitterness. But then recently I got a job at american apparel. I'm still getting used to things, but at least I'm slightly distracted. I hope things will only get better from here, and I'll forget about him. Even though I know I'll never stop caring.

Hi. It's weird how it's already 7 months since my mom has left. It almost feels like a dream, that she never existed. That whatever I had with her was all made up. That my dad raised me all on his own. I don't know how I feel that way. But i do. When something that great is erased from my life, I feel like it is too good to be true.

So I quit my old workplace. They treated my pretty badly. You know the rude remarks, how useless I am, How slow I am. If this keeps up I'm going to be fired. Which is funny, because the next day I quit, and they asked me to work part-time or juggle two jobs. I guess I wasn't a crummy employee after all.

Working at that place has gave me a lot of great experiences though. I met a lot of great customers, making me realize that the world isn't full of disgusting cold-hearted human beings that don't give two seconds of their time. I met nick from the apple store with the heart of gold, a lady form the bay that I nickname Samantha (from sex and the city) because she has something sexy with her, and she would always joke and called me charlotte because I was happy-go-lucky. Matt who would visit everyday and how his speech on laziness changed the way i view life. Because he was running on 32% air capacity in his lungs. He would always walk around with an oxygen tank. He hated people who were too lazy to walk, or work. It was true. Why has the world becaome so lazy? WHy has the majority relied on technology? What will become of us? But overall I have no regret applying there. It was a bittersweet opportunity.

Yes, I did bounce off, and didn't finish my two weeks. BUT it was only because my manager is a bitch, and her heart was dropped in a puddle of darkness.

I now work at Club Monaco, which is great because I adore their clothes. I'm not sure if i'll love it though, because I can't imagine myself being all OMGYOULOOKSOGOODINTHAT BUYBUYBUY - type of girl. We'll see. Training starts tuesday. Wish me luck?

I know i haven't updated for a while. But i'm feeling down in the dumps. A guy i was sorta seeing doesn't wanna see me anymore. I wasn't even that into him when he told me today. But then when we talked more, the more i realized i missed out a really nice guy. But my brother had to stand in the way. Which I think isn't his position to, because he doesn't know what i think of him.

i wish he was into me enough to overcome an obstacle to be with me.
I hate that he's honest.
I hate that he makes me laugh.
I hate that he's handsome.
I hate that I'm into him.

Not that i don't update anymore. I don't have time. It's 8:26 Am and the only reason im still here is im waiting for it to be 8:45 so i can take benylin and have a shower before i meet up with my friend Anosha. Haven't seen her in ages. And this is my only day off. I'm feeling terribly sick, i think i caught the cold from my co-worker Eunice. And my immune system is vulnerable at the time, because the last time i ate was at 10:30 am (my only lunch break), and i came home at 6pm. So i was starving. Of course i ate like a pig, but you know how you haven't ate for a while and when you start eating, you get really sick? That's what happened to me. So cold + starvation = lethal. I'm stubborn i know, but a couple tylenols and benylin and im good to go. I just dislike wasting time. I need to go pick up Advil though, tylenol hardly works for me. Or when it does, it takes a couple of hours, and isn't all effective.

Today is also my payday, since it was labour day on monday, the paycheque was delayed. Yay! I'm going shopping for clothes. I'd literally starve or skip[ lunch to get a new piece of clothing. Am i materialistic? Yes/No. Something the way the clothes makes you feel, and the opportunity to express your individuality made me fall in love with clothes. Individuality & fashion is a whole other topic lol, because it's almost a contradiction since we have trends. Anyways I must go heal before walking downtown.

Have a great fall. <3

hmmm, so i haven't wrote anything. Not cuz i was lazy, i'm tired.

About work, i cried once. lol it's been only like the 10th day of work. But really, people can be so mean.

I look forward to work sometimes though, because i develop a "tiny" crush on one of the bus boys. LOL, so em...yeah it's nice to be motivated.

I've been shopping a bit, and my prespective on fashion has changed. I think most people will think im too formal or something. lol. oh well.

So weird, working restored my faith in humanity. People are genuinely nice out there. Of course there are the picky, bitchy, pissy ones. But majority are so sweet. But i'm speaking too soon, so *knock on wood*. It's only my second day, i'm not sure what will happen next. Free almond croissants anyone?

I got a job. lol at this french bakery cafe. Wish me luck on training :(.

Hi. Damn updating. I'm just on to rant. Why do people pretend to be okay with homosexuality. But they get weirded out by it? Does it make any sense? I'm so angry how ignorant people are. I have a few bi friends, and i don't like how they have to feel that it's unsafe to come out to people and still be treated like everyone else.

Why do people assume if you're a lesbian, they shouldn't be around girls. Or vice versa, how guys get weirded around gays. Just because they're homosexual it doesn't make them horny for every guy or girl they see. I'm just saying. I'm so sick of hearing ..."omg she's a lesbian? I undressed in front of her in gym class. OMG!" Don't be so full of yourself sweetie.

Okay i'm done ranting. You know what's sadder, if any of my family members or classmates read this rant, they'd assume I'm a lesbian. Because I'm offended. Well if someone uses the N word, i get offended. It doesn't mean i'm black.

I just needed to get that off my chest.

I'm in a predicament right now. A boy from Ohio completely adores me. It really boggles my mind, because I made no attempt to be appealing whatsoever. I'm appalled at the same time because i do love him, just not the way he wants me to. We've only known each other for five days and we're exchanging e-mails and such. I just wanna stay in touch because he's like a best guy friend I never had. But now things are getting more complex than it should. I wonder when he'll stop wooing me with his words for a minute and tell me he has a girlfriend. --Because I know.

I've been busy for the pass few days. You know those Ohio people i was nervous about? Well it was nothing. I really enjoy their company. I met a very nice boy I completely adore, his name is robert. We have the same music taste, and enjoy watching and breathing rain. Really now that they left I'm really sad. I'm so used to waking up and hanging out with him. I cried several times crying in front of him. I never cry when people leave. Because he means so much to me, even though we only know each other for four days. He can also play the piano which he played Dark Blue and Hurricane for me. I'm glad I missed warped tour for those guys.

We visited chinatown which i hate. And hung out at pacific mall. Haha all these asian destinations. We went to Dave & Busters on their first day here. It was somewhat awkward since i was getting to know all of them. I think i rather became friends with guys at this point. It seems more laid back you know? Don't get me wrong i love having girl friends, but i think i should expand my choices.

On tuesday I saw the Dark Knight. I think im gonna be egged for this. But it wasn't as amazing as i thought it'd be. It was good, but I like the first one better. I'm probably on my own for this. Heather ledger was good as the joker, but not oscar worthy. I'm very fair in my views, I don't think his death should make him more appealing as a nomination you know? I feel terrible saying this, but that's really how i feel.

My dad left for Vietnam today, because grandpa is not feeling well. I don't know when he's coming back. And i hope everything is okay.

I'm patiently waiting for my cousin's relatives from Ohio to arrive at our house. I'm quite nervous. It's like I have social anxiety, and I get quite anxious. What do they think of me? Will they like me? First impressions? I rather have that "I don't give a fuck" attitude. But that's not me. My biggest fear is how awkward it's going to get. Of course I could help the whole first impression dilemma by putting on proper clothes & wear makeup. But i'm too lazy. I'm actually wear the academy is... t-shirt and this god awful rose printed pj shorts that was hand me down from my cousin when i was in...grade 5.

So I just envy people who take control of the crowd, and seems to fit in where ever they go, it's like they're a universal puzzle piece. Apparently I was social at some point according to my friend Tara, when she first met me i was "intimidating", because I was the one talking and cracking jokes. Um, well I assume it's just during some situations. I'm quite opposite socially, I'm most uncomfortable around my family, and won't shut up around friends & new aquantinces (spelling). I think there's a communication block with my family, because I can't speak proper english. I've been accused of being whitewashed countless times.

I just need the confidence and be all *hey im fierce, I own this room*:



UPDATE: I'm so nervous I'm listening to Hannah Montana to calm me down. Who said, Who said i can't be president, I said I said you ain't see nothing yet.
I know I'm ashamed of myself.

You're always told you have to learn how to seperate your wants from your needs. Well I NEED:

I'm really bored, actually I'm waiting for another hour and 45 mins till 9 so i can take my tylenol flu and go to bed. WHAT? FLU? During the summer? How does that add up? ...I'm glad you ask, i have no clue. Yesterday I went with my dad and brother to lakeshore. It was really nice, i saw a swan which isn't a big deal. But when was the last time i saw a swan? Probably when i was a kid, feeding it stale bread or something lol. Anyhow, so my brother wanted to eat fried chicken. I didn't eat any cuz I hate super greasy greasy food, i always feel sick afterwards. Anyways my brother & i weren't getting along, he was douchy all morning so i decided to stay at my dads and hang out with my niece & nephew. Yeah I kinda overdosed on the Disney franchise when she was youtubing camp rock, hannah montana, vanessa hudgens, googled: selena gomez, demi lovato, nick jonas. I think i missed a couple. OH YES ashley tisdale. hmmm i went off topic. TO CONTINUE i was sleeping in my niece's room when i had this awful headache. You know that one that's on ur eye? And you're all "wtf? why is there a HEADache on your eye?" so yeah it hurts to much that i thought i was gonna throw up. So everytime i thought i was gonna blow chuncks i ran to the washroom lol, then i got a fever. So clearly it wasn't just a headache. So i had a blanky wrapped around me and i sat in the washroom for an hour. =[ My dad woke up at like 3 and was all "excuse wtf are you doing? Sleep in my room and i'll get u a bag in case u feeling like hurling." LOL i thought it was hilarious, cuz seriously when was the last time you slept in the same room as your dad? Probably when you're 7 and the thunderstorm was scary. Which ironically is my favourite weather now.


Yesterday was full of nostalgia. =]

Ohhh, i found a pic of these cupcakes me and my cousin made for her boyfriend on valentines day. cute eh? Don't laugh it was my first time.

Wow, i haven't updated for a while. I'm so lazy. I don't see how people on lj are able to keep up with new entries almost everyday. Kudos to them, seriously. So i moved into my aunt's house temporarily for now. When my dad starts life all over again, and he's going to work! YAY! I'm so happy that he's trying to get things to normal again, ever since mom passed away, the 4 months after was from the pits of hell. So things are looking up.

I went downtown toront yesterday to go shopping. I got a cute top from Urban Outfitters, and a tulip skirt & striped cardigan from AA. It feels nice to buy things, I'm sometimes afraid im a shoppaholic (spelling?). I noticed that the UO in TO is not up date. They finally got the babydoll top from last season that i wanted badly. I can't afford the luxery of being trusted with a credit card and online shopping. So im stuck with going to the actual retail store. I think i'll always stick to that, because there's something nice about going to a real store, and seeing the colours/colors, fabric, detailing in person rather than your laptop. I'm sorta comparing it to buying a cd than buying it on itunes. It's just not the same.

I'm starting on my Ryerson portfolio tomorrow since i'm not doing anything. Perhaps have dinner with my dad, as much as he tries to work and go back in the business, he seems lonely with me & my brother.

Oh, and these relatives from Ohio are coming next week and my cousin is planning to give a tour of the great city. Showing off the good side of Toronto, lol cheating. I'm assuming I will drag a long. I do enjoy downtown.



When i go to Germany i'm going to visit this little beast, Neuschwanstein castle (i dare you to pronounce it).

Credit to Melsn @ Flickr.

The longest day of the year, was probably one of my favourite days. Yesterday it was the first time i was happy in a while. I had the hardest time falling asleep, breathing every last savouring happiness before i fall asleep.

I saw my friend olivia yesterday, (p.s. all my friends are in a different city).

I also lose a friend yesterday, which is a win. He's so manipulative and some of us think he's a compulsive liar or a sociopath.

I also saw Camp Rock. It was what I expected, and I love it. You can always turn to disney movies to make you feel like a kid again. That Joe Jonas is making me all fangirl. I try not to think that he's my age, because it makes me feel so unaccomplished.

Well I'm a little disappointed. I saw atonement last night, and had high hopes for it. So much hype, so many nominations. Fcuk me, it sucked. YEP IM BITTER. On the other hand, i saw Camp Rock a few minutes ago, and that cheered me up. I know right? I think a low budget disney movie is amazing and i think a academy nominated movie sucked. I think Disney just brings back childhood, and how naive you were a kid.

I'm feeling nostalgic, here's a pic of me at prom, in the silver. I wish my digital camera wasn't broken, it'd make a portfolio of my life.

Since this summer I'm not allowed to get a job until my father comes back, I have 2 months to do absolutely anything. Rather than be a pessimist and complain about boredom, i decided that it's best to make a small list of things to do.

1) Learn to act. ( & Attempt to perfect any foreign accent)

2) Finish my art portfolio.

3) Read one new book.

4) Improve my speech.

I've induldge in some chocolate and jellybeans last night. Two things i longggg for a while. There was a sevre thunderstorm going on outside, another thing i LOVE. There's just something exciting and calming about a storm, for me anyways. I also cracked a smile to myself because the Much Music Video Awards was still happening...outdoors. I know, I'm such a horrible person.

More chocolate please.